As I had been growing up I had been greatly influenced by the things my mother had always told me about Rajneesh and what she had read in his books and she had heard in his discourses. And what I remember most of all was meditation. How all the cures of the world can be solved by meditating. This actually influenced my taking up philosophy as a major in college. And as
I'm sitting in class one day staring out the window wondering where I could learn meditation, my philosophy teacher Mr.Parikh walks in and talks about this beautiful place surrounded by mountains where if you put your hands up you could touch the clouds, only three hours away from the city - a place where you can learn meditation. My ears popped up and my eyes widened trying to take everything in as he described the place, the course and the daily curriculum. I wanted to go I thought. That's where I want to go!

But I was too shy to go and ask my teacher for more information and the address where I could write in and make reservations, so a month later I asked a friend if she had the address, she was close to the teacher and surely enough she had the address. So I wrote to the centre and kept the letter in my drawer. I thought I'd post it after my BA exams got over. A week later I make a trip to Poona where my aunt talks about another meditation centre but I'm almost convinced it's the same one, so I tell her that I'd like to go as well.

Another month later she calls me up for details to fill out the form, and yet another month later she calls to tell me that we're going on June 28th 1994. It was all done.

It was perfect timing. My exams just got over and I was on vacation. And all I could think about was ten days of silence and of meditation. I thought I was going to have an orgasmic experience or I was going to the touch the heavens or something like that. I couldn't wait to get started.

It turned out that it was the same place my teacher spoke about. It seemed like I was destined to be there and the centre in Igatpuri truly was everything my teacher had described it to be. Surrounded by mountains, the waterfalls, the clouds, it was beautiful. My bed was in a dormitory, but hell, I didn't mind so much. I was going to have the experience of my life!

In the evening all the women gathered in the dining hall (there was segregation of sexes) for instructions about the course and the program timings.

Then in cues we all proceeded to the meditation hall. In the hall we sat on a cushion and remained on the same cushion for all the days ahead. When everybody is in, the assistant teachers to Guruji introduce themselves and welcome us to the centre. Then we're told that the daily meditation instructions would be given by Goenkaji on a prerecorded cassette and if we had any questions we could go to them.

My ten days there turned out to be a nightmare! Instead of going to the Heavens I went straight to hell! My teacher did say that it was a difficult course and that he wanted to run away after the very first day itself but I didn't believe him until then. Now I knew what he meant! All day long we did nothing but observe our breath for the first three days. It seemed like a completely senseless exercise, at first and then you realize that one cannot even observe the breath for more then a few seconds at a stretch. No matter how hard one tires, but one cannot observe the breath for more then a few seconds! The mind had a mind of it's own - and all this time I thought that I was the thinker. I thought that these were my thoughts, but they weren't. They were mere thoughts coming and going on it's own will, separate from my will.

Despite my new insight of the mind I was still going crazy watching the breath, and I thought that ten days would never pass. I thought that I would grow old and die but these ten days would never pass. I thought the world would come to an end but these ten days would never pass! Then I would remember my teachers words again and again every time I was about to give up, I
remember him also saying that after ten days you will discover what you have found, and it would encourage me to do it another day.

Finally on the fourth day we were taught Vipassana. They made us sit in the hall for two hours and in that time we were not allowed to leave the hall or change our postures. I could hardly sit for five minutes straight and for this I had to sit for two hours at a stretch without moving!

Within ten minutes my legs starting aching, by half an hour I was dying and within the hour such excruciating pain! I was straight into hell, I had experienced hell and tears started flowing from my eyes but I was determined not to open my legs until the two hours were up. And then suddenly it happened, as my mind is going up and down the body watching the sensations the pain stopped, and not that the pain stopped, I could still feel it but the reaction to the pain had stopped. I watched my pain in my legs and in my back without reacting to it though it was still there. I watched my mind cut off from the body and I saw the body as the body and the mind as the mind like two separate entities! It is said that the body is made up of particles and wave lengths and there is not solidity in the world, I actually experienced it! Not solidity in my body only small, small particles. And just then the two hours were up.

In the following days we did the same exercise of observing the sensations on the body but for an hour at a time, and once again I went straight into hell within the first ten minutes. And every night before retiring we received a set of further instructions to
follow for the next day to work.

After the sixth day I was getting restless again and I found that it was easier to observe the breath so I spent a lot of time  observing the breath and then taking my mind once again through my body.

Our days began at four in the morning till 9.00pm every evening. We got to eat breakfast at 6.30am and lunch at 11.00am and an evening snack at 5.00pm. The evenings were my favorite part of the day, because everyday we had discourses for about an hour, where Goenkaji on a video cassette explains to us what we are doing and why. His lectures were always interesting and it also meant that another day had passed.

Like that one day after another all ten days had passed, and on the tenth day I was just so happy to be free! I wanted to leave that place and go home right away but they kept us there another day to recover so they said.

In the morning I just wanted to get out and I couldn't be happier to be leaving but as I'm walking with my bags in my hand I look around as I realize that I'm not leaving and that I can never leave, and forever I'm stuck with what I had just experienced and learnt. I didn't touch the Heavens that's for sure but for the first time in my life I had such a real experience. It was almost like a detoxicating experience from all the passions, pleasures, angers, fears and all other shades of emotions that cloud our lives and make us unhappy. It was the most real experience I had ever had and there is not other word to describe the way I felt. Free from illusions, free from intoxication's.

And looking at the mountains around me I knew that this is not the end but only the beginning. I knew that I'd be back to learn more, to dig deeper, to find my Heaven.

And I returned to do my second course only five months later in November and then again in June for my third course and two courses every year for the next six years.

All the time we're looking outside to find peace and happiness, but I know that all the secrets of peace, happiness and bliss are locked up within, and Rajneesh was right after all. All the miseries of the world can be eradicated if we only looked and searched within for Heaven.